


Rocko Wallaby and the Glaisses of Filburt

by xandermartin98



Category: Rocko's Modern Life
Genre: Australian Slang, Background Character Death, Best Friends, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon Jewish Character, Chases, Everyone Is Gay, Gen, Groupies, Love Confessions, Phone Calls & Telephones, Public Nudity, Racist Language, Stereotypes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-03-01 14:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2776829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xandermartin98/pseuds/xandermartin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Note to self: Never come in between a stereotypical Jewish nerd and his nerd glasses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rocko Wallaby and the Glaisses of Filburt

One day, Filburt woke up on the wrong side of his bed and toppled over. "Dis bed ain't very comfortible...if I have ta sleep on that awful rock-hard maitress again, I swear I'm gonna develop a gosh-darned frickin' nasty old backache. Oh boy, I kin already feel my lower baick pain festering! Oh my gosh, it's unbearable! I can't stand it! I'm gonna die! Oh, fishsticks!"

Filburt took a shower and ate breakfast. "Oh, my favorite! Frosted fish flakes shaped like fish! Oh, how I wish I was in heaven...okay, I got my tightie whities on. And I got my glaisses on. Time to go on my daily errands now!" 

And with that, Filburt accidentally stumbled through the front door of his trailer and walked over to the supermarket. Everything there seemed suspiciously quiet, but there was nothing wrong with anything.

"Jeez, the Schedawdle supermarket sure is nifty! They've even got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, too many other things to name, and, best of all, matching salt and pepper shakers!" Filburt exclaimed with delight. "Alright, now it's time to head on over to the nearest eye doctor! I have myself an appointment to attend to at Pearly Vision." 

During his appointment at the place, Filburt blatantly and deliberately showed so many stereotypical Jewish-nerd characteristics that he actually tore a rift in the universe. The rift electrocuted him with a lightning bolt and he realized something awesome had just happened. 

"Oh my gosh, this is downright amazing! I've always wanted to have superpowers! Brings in the dough, ya know what I mean?" Filburt asked.

"Yes, I understand what you mean, honey." Dr. Hutchinson answered. "Just be careful out there, my sweet turtle dove." she said with a smile.

Filburt had become a superhumanly stereotypical Jewish-nerd. He went outside and used the nearest pay phone to call Rocko.

"Hi, this is Filburt." Filburt began. "Filb, I'm trying to sleep. It's like ten o clock in the morning." Rocko replied. "What I'm calling to ask you about is this. I can't afford a new maitress for my bed and I need you to fork over some of your dough so that I can afford it. Is that too much to ask?" Filburt asked.

"Well, no, my good friend, except that I'm almost flat broke. I'm living on a real short sum of cash, you know." Rocko answered. Filburt's face stretched into a devious grin. "Well just come over to where I am right next to the Kind-Of-A-Lot-O-Comics. I've got somefin' cool ta show ya." he finished.

"Oh boy, what am I getting myself into this time?" Rocko thought to himself. All of a sudden while he was walking, he recieved a call on his cell phone which he kept in his underwear pocket. It was Filburt AGAIN!

"NOW what are you yammering about?" Rocko asked. "It's so cold, I need a jaykit! Oh no, dis shell won't keep me WARM in the WINTER...could you PLEASE lend me your jaykit, PLEASE? Oh fishsticks, I got a snowflake on my glaisses! And I just stepped in a nasty mud puddle and got my shoes all wet and contaminated! Oh goodness, this is a nightmaire, ya have ta help me, PLEASE!" Filburt demanded.  
"Oh for the love of...Filburt, this is late December, you should have been prepared! Also, the way you're acting is offensive to Jewish people, I mean animals." Rocko explained. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Can you wait patiently and calmly until then, for Pete's sake?" 

"I haive ta go to the baithroom and all the stores are closed! I think I'm gonna wet my shell!" Filburt whined. Interestingly, the Kind-Of-A-Lot-O-Comics was actually open. "Filburt, in the name of all that is holy and blessed, just use the god-danged public bathroom! What is so flipping scary about the flipping bathroom at my flipping workplace? It's actually very clean. That's it, I'm done talking to you. Bye!" Rocko concluded, hanging up.

Two seconds later, Rocko recieved yet another call from Filburt. "Okay, the plaistic bag is full now. What should I do with it? I'm afraid to touch it. It has my GERMS on it! I don't wanna get sick again! For the love of Gosh, please help me, I'm scaired outta my mind!" Filburt whined. "STOP F****** CALLING! Pardon my language..." Rocko replied.

One minute later, Rocko arrived at the back parking lot of the Kind-Of-A-Lot-O-Comics. "Hello, good friend." Filburt greeted him. "For crying out loud, Filburt, what in the name of heavens did you send me all the way over here for? Please tell me this isn't another downright ridiculous prank like that one time when you and Heffer filmed me nakeder than a disco zebra and then tried to upload the leftover digital footage to Youtube AFTER we disposed of all those tapes!" Rocko demanded.

"Trust me, I have the best of intentions." Filburt arrogantly replied, causing Rocko to roll his eyes and facepalm. "Check this out!" Filburt said as he fired laser beams from his glasses, burning Rocko's clothes off. "PSYCH!" Filburt teased.

Rocko screamed like a girl and slapped on his censor bar. "WHY YOU SNEAKY LITTLE RATFINK! GET OVER HERE!!" he yelled, leaping into action and chasing after Filburt.

First, they ran back and forth through the public mainstreet. Everyone watched them pass by with awkwardly confused facial and bodily expressions. "Good heavens almighty, what in the former name of GOD is this horrid atrocious atrocity of a sight that I am beholding with mine own eyes?! Put some blasted clothes on, you little scamp!" Ed Bighead yelled theatrically with a fistful of ham - or should I say dead flies - in his grocery bag.

"Oh, Ed, why must you deny the man's mesmerizing beauty?" Bev asked. "Even our son has a crush on him. Don't you, Ralphie?" 

"YES, I MEAN N-NO! I-I CAN EXPLAIN!" Ralph frantically stammered, covering his mouth and blushing. "They don't pay me enough for this..." he thought to himself as he hid his face behind his arms and clutched the top of his head tightly, nervously trembling with embarassment while Ed glared at him disapprovingly.

"Oh, it's just FABULOUS! Oh yes! Very glamorous! Ooh la laa!" the Chameleon Brothers sang in unison. "OHH, how much can I pay you two to SHUT YOUR EAR-GRATINGLY FLAMBOYANT MOUTHS!?!" Ralph yelled at them. "My, my, how rude! What a cheeky and unadorable little boy! MY BEAUTIFUL WORD!" the brothers responded. "I think I'm going to puke..." Ralph muttered to himself.

Next, Rocko chased Filburt through the supermarket causing everyone to go bananas. After busting through the emergency exit, Rocko and Filburt heard the sound of a stampede behind them. They both checked behind them, screamed their brains out, turned back around to their former direction, and continued running. Heffer eating a hamburger was the least terrifying thing they saw.

An enormous swarm of Rocko's wannabe girlfriends was after them! They sprinted through Thiss Street, ran screaming through Thatt Street, and charged desperately through Fourth Wall Street, where they were looked down upon by giant statues of: Filburt, the Bigheads in a toaster, Sluggo, and the Chameleon Brothers (in that order) while Rocko's theme song played in the background.

Rocko and Filburt ran into the front opening of the giant Television Building at the end of this street and out the back opening. The girls, stupidly deciding to reenact the show's theme song, stood right in front of the building as it toppled over and crushed both their bodies and their dreams.

"THAT WAS A HOOT!" Heffer yelled while watching the Eagles win a Super Bowl.

Suddenly, Rocko and Filburt reached a dead end. They were at the Arena Of Stereotypes. In true Dragonball Z fashion, Rocko and Filburt began charging up their stereotype levels. "I'm gonna skin your sorry bum alive, play didgeridoos with your face, and cram vegemite into your egotistical bloke chomper while chowing down on some delicious shrimp on the barbie, mate!" Rocko yelled as his Aussie Power level reached gloriously magnificent heights that were vastly above 9,000.

"I AM THE TURTLE!" Filburt yelled, his voice echoing across the entire planet. "I AM THE BEST CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW! I AM BETTER THAN BOTH THE STEER AND THE WALLABY COMBINED!!!" Filburt's ego level reached over nine million thousand.

"FIGHT!" the announcer yelled as the audience cheered. Rocko grinned from ear to ear, showing off his solid gold replacement tooth. "Ooh...shiny...SO SHINY!" Filburt said, drooling in stupor like a complete idiot. "I'm gonna yank it right out of that goofy phallic shaped face of yours and sell it on Ebay.com! Just try and stop me, you nerdy little wimp!" Filburt taunted, his greed and envy getting the best of him.

Rocko bounced up into the air and kicked Filburt right in the face. "OW! YOU'RE MESSIN' UP MY GLAISSES!" Filburt pulled out his camera and snapped a photo of Rocko, blinding Rocko's eyes with the flash. They both charged straight into each other and the collision of stereotypes caused the entire universe to explode.

Suddenly, the two of them were sitting in limbo. They were both back to their normal selves, and Rocko had his clothes back on. They were greeted by a mysterious man. "Hello. I am Joe Murray. I am your creator and will send you back to the Real World if you follow this one simple instruction. Concentrate. Concentrate..." 

"He's makin' faces at me!" Filburt whined about how Rocko was sticking his tongue out at him. "Am not!" Rocko lied. "He's the one picking his snout!" 

"Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna shove a pair of fishsticks covered in hot sauce RIGHT up YOUR 'snout' if ya don't stop bein' a smart aleck right now and shut up!" Filburt replied.

"Knock it off, you snot weasels!" Joe scolded them; he wasn't in the mood to deal with such mind-numbing stupidity on a show otherwise known for being surprisingly genius. "Just get out of here. You have my blessings. Just...get out of here and give me some peace of mind...PLEASE! JUST GO FOR GOD'S SAKE! LET ME BE! GOD! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO CATCH A BREAK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE AROUND HERE? JEEZ LAWEEZ! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST GO ALREADY! I'M OLD AND TIRED! I NEED REST! GOODBYE! DON'T COME BACK HERE! ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE GOING TO ACT LIKE THAT! GOODBYE!!!"

"Goodbye, Joey." Rocko said cheerfully just before the hands of fate flicked him and Filburt back into the Real World. "NEVER call me Joey again..." Joe growled.

Filburt was taken to the Supreme Court, and his punishment was that he was strapped into a machine that removed his footwear and then tickled his feet senseless for over three hours. Eventually, he was released from his torture. "HERE WE GO AGAIN!" 

"NO!" Rocko yelled. "We are NOT doing the 'here we go again' endng on MY show!"   
"Well, what do YOU want, Mr. Too Good To Stand The Cheesy Cartoon Endings?" Filburt asked. "I- GAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Right when Rocko was about to make his suggestion, yet another swarm of rabid and/or rabbit Rocko fangirls came out of nowhere and trampled him, flattening him and squashing him like a bug. "Uhh...a little...help here, Filb?" Rocko asked. "You didn't say please." Filburt pointed out. And with that, Filburt just strolled out of there whistling without a care in the world.


End file.
